


One Wreckin’ Migraine

by LMB



Category: Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
Genre: Headaches & Migraines, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, cute nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13353999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMB/pseuds/LMB
Summary: Ralph’s been having a tough couple of weeks since he returned from his journey across the arcade universe. With longer hours and poor nutrition in-between, it’s no wonder his head’s killing him. Can he keep it a secret from Felix, along with his growing feelings for him? Or will his head explode?!





	1. Chapter 1

Another day, another face plant in the mud. Not that Ralph wasn’t used to this - not that it hadn’t been his job for  _thirty years,_ and everything - but he sure wished those Nicelanders had a bit more regard for his well-being rather than dumping him unceremoniously off the side of an eight-story building into a tiny mud puddle. Sure, he was nine feet tall and technically more of a program than a real human, but one of these days, all his bones might break.

The pain certainly _simulated_ reality, he thought, putting a hand on his cracking neck. Seriously, couldn’t the creators of _Fix-It Felix Jr._ have had enough heart to at least make it a mattress? No? Fine.

If he really had to think about it, though, this was all mostly his fault. If he hadn’t made the game so popular after he returned from his journey, he might not have to deal with this much physical pain. A couple of times was bad enough. But ten hours, almost nonstop? _Please._

As if to remind him further of the reality of the situation, he was met with searing pain upon sitting up. _Ohhh, my head._ He rubbed his eyes, but all he could see were stars. And mind you, he was in an arcade game, so they literally appeared, big and yellow, before his eyes. _Yep. This isn't good._

"Hiya, Ralph! Q*bert and I were just thinking about heading to _Tapper's_ if you wanted to join," Felix began cheerfully, before his eyes widened. "Oh!" He leaned down toward his friend. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, y'know, no worse than usual," Ralph joked, cracking his neck again. He'd rather not tell the handyman about his problems - the last thing he wanted was to cause him worry. Anyhow, it would probably go away in the morning. 

"Right. Just," Felix scratched his head. "I see you getting thrown off every day and it looks really painful. Especially with the amount of times that's been happening lately, phew!" He wiped the sweat off his forehead. Then - "You know, you really _are_ a hero."

Ralph's stomach clenched with warmth at that and he smiled, inwardly cursing how one small man could reduce him, a colossal giant, to a puddle similar to the one he sat in with just one charming remark.

"Eh, well, who else is gonna wreck the building for all the players?" He shrugged. "Anyway, I'm no hero without you. Well, I mean, I'm not really a hero, since I'm a bad guy, and all. Of course, now I think about it, I wouldn't even be _that_ if you weren't here. Or really much of anything, ha ha..." He trailed off from his awkward attempt at socializing when he noticed Felix looking at him like he was the most wonderful thing in the world. Which was confusing, considering he sounded like a bumbling idiot just now.

"Gosh, Ralph. You say the sweetest things," Felix sighed. 

"I-I do?" That's when his stomach _really_ started to go funny - and not just from butterflies, either.

The other nodded. "It's true. I never realized how kind you were until you rescued me in the Fungeon, sacrificed yourself for Vanellope, and helped all those homeless characters. You were there for me while I was sad about my divorce with Calhoun, even though it simply wasn't in our codes to be married. And you know, even before all that, you've always treated the Nicelanders with respect, even when you had plenty of reason to...well, smash them all into the ground," he laughed, walking closer.

"Er, Felix?" Ralph raised an eyebrow. "Are you coming down with something? Your face is kinda red."

"No, Ralph," he laughed harder. "Actually, that's just the honey glow in my cheeks." He smiled in a way he hadn't before. Then, frowning in afterthought, "Speaking of which, you've got a little - " Rather than finish his sentence, he simply reached out and began gently brushing some dried-up mud off of Ralph's cheek. As much as Ralph wanted to melt into the touch, something was stopping him. His face grew green.

"Get away from me."

Felix's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"No, seriously, I - " But Ralph's sentence was cut short by the lurching of his stomach as he spilled its contents on the ground, near Felix's shoes. Ralph looked down in shame. _God,_ he just threw up in front of the guy he liked. Could things get any worse?

He thought he felt a small hand on his back, though he couldn't be sure, given that migraines were known to cause such illusions. But then he felt it tracing along his spine, Felix's steady voice reassuring him that it was okay, he was there for him, and just let it all out. He drew in another breath and keeled forward again. Felix's tiny arms wrapped firmly around him, as if to keep him from propelling into the mud again. He really appreciated that. Oh yeah, and when he smoothed his hair back from his face to keep it from getting any dirtier than it was - that too. 

At last, he was able to breathe. His stomach kept throwing him forward even when it had been emptied, the taste in his mouth burning and rancid. Felix continued to rub his back, calming his feverish quivers.

"You alright, there, big guy?" he whispered, and Ralph nodded, grateful, for the sights and sounds around him were suddenly magnified by ten. He nodded towards the mess. "Let me clean that for you."

"Oh, Felix, you don't have to. I could get that - "

"Please. Allow me," he said, holding his hands up before kneeling down and cleaning it with a scrub brush, bucket of water, and nose clips in a matter of seconds. Once it was all gone, he stood and nodded in satisfaction. "There, now." He studied Ralph's face. "You haven't been getting much sleep, have you?"

“Have _you?”_ Ralph demanded, though he knew it was in vain.

“A full eight hours, every night,” said Felix. “It’s important to get your rest, you know!”

Ralph sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“And to eat?” said Felix. Ralph shrugged.

“I dunno. There’s not much in the fridge. Just some aged cheese and a packet of nuts, I guess.”

Felix’s face fell at that. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. Finally, he opened it again. “Clearly, you’re more under the weather than I thought. As the leader of this game, I want you to rest until you’re better.” Right away, Ralph protested -

“Aw c’mon, it’s just a tiny headache! I’ll be fine tomorrow. Lemme go back to work, please?”

“Wreck-It Ralph! You will do no such thing,” Felix said, voice laced with authority, though Ralph found it more adorable, if anything. “You are pale as a white peach, sir! We have to lay you down immediately.”

Ralph gaped. “What, you mean, like, in your apartment?”

Felix nodded. “Come with me.” He wrapped an arm around Ralph’s waist as high as he could reach and guided him toward the building. Ralph ran a hand down his face. What were the other characters going to say? He just had to open up his big, fat mouth - they were gonna get unplugged for sure, now, thanks to him.

“Hey.” Felix tugged on his hand. “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’ll fix you right up in no time.” Then he winked, and _Sweet Mother Hubbard, what was up with the sudden heat wave blasting in Ralph’s face?_ Was he the only one?

They walked along the sidewalk toward the door, where Ralph left muddy footprints and Felix cleaned them along the way. Ralph smiled at that. _Cute._ They went through the door and into the lobby, before taking a rather slow elevator up to the top. During which, Ralph and Felix found themselves pressed together, from lack of space. Their faces grew warm.

Finally, they stepped out and saw the Nicelanders, waiting to congratulate Felix for a job well done.

"Hello, everyone," Felix greeted with a polite smile, as per usual. As though the person he currently had his arm around was no one out of the ordinary. 

Ralph greeted all the gawking faces with a smile of his own and began silently scanning the crowd for those he knew: Don, Roy, Lucy, Norwood, Nell, Deanna, Mary, and -

Oh, no. _Gene._

Already, he could feel the blood boiling within his body like a volcano, but he took a deep breath just before he could explode, looking down at Felix. He would not lose his temper in front of _him_ , he resolved. Not again.

“I baked you a pie, Felix,” a voice piped up.

“Well, thank you, Mary!” He smiled, taking it from her.  _Yes, thank you, Mary,_ Ralph agreed in his head. Good on her, for breaking the ice.

Felix closed his eyes and took a whiff. “Gosh, it smells delicious.”

“Great job today, Felix,” said Don.

“Yes, great job,” said Lucy.

“Thank you. Thank you! Oh my land, you’re all too kind.”

Ralph chuckled and watched as Felix chatted with the Nicelanders, smiling and connecting with each of them. It seemed like this would be a fairly amicable evening. One person, however, did not agree.

“What’s _he_ doing here?” Gene’s voice inevitably pierced through his ears and heart. Ralph looked down, beet-red. Who knew his own feet could be so interesting?

"Ralph is sick, Gene. He needs a place to stay," Felix said, voice even. 

"Well, he's not staying anywhere near the pent house. His body odor will stink up the place for days." He smiled a cruel smile. "I'll bet it's all that bloated fat around his stomach that makes him so gassy. No wonder he hasn't got a girlfriend. What, does he snore, too?"

"That's enough." Felix frowned, puffing out his chest slightly. "You will treat him the same way you treat me. And if you don't - well, you can just say good bye to your _job,_ you...you...!" Ralph reached out and rubbed a thumb across the handyman's shoulder, preventing him from overstepping just in time. Felix was still angry, judging by the slight tremor in his shoulders, but he visibly sighed and they lowered from his ears. Gene, however, wasn't done.

"You can't do that! I'm the mayor!" he protested.

Felix smiled, but the manner in which he did was _cold._ "Yes, but my father owns this apartment building. And I think we both know how rich he is."

 _Woah._ Talk about total goose bumps forming down Ralph's arms right now. It was official - his new goal in life was to never ever tick Felix off. Because this was downright C-R-E-E-P-I-E. ...No, wait...

 Before he could correct himself, Felix turned to the crowd. "Do you understand? This goes for all of you. Ralph is my friend, and I don't want a single one of you sniping at him. He'll be staying with me, tonight, and if you don't like it, then frankly, I don't give a boo - forgive my potty mouth," he added as a disclaimer, though his chin quivered with absolution. Ralph's heart pounded. He couldn't believe Felix was actually standing up for _him._  This would not have happened, say, seven weeks ago. Then again, Ralph didn't know he had a crush on him seven weeks ago, either. "Come on, Ralph." Felix hooked his arm around his wrist. "Let's go inside and get you settled."

There was something borderline theatrical about the way Felix walked toward his apartment door in bold strides with a deadpanned face and loud voice, making this such a public event. Ralph knew Felix was probably trying to be serious, but even so, he couldn't stop himself from chuckling under his breath. 

Gene cupped his hands around his mouth.

“Hey, you big oaf! Enjoy this while you can, because it’s the closest you’re ever gonna get to living here - "

“Good _night,”_ Felix hissed, cutting him off. “I will speak no more on the matter. ...Thank you for the pie, Mary.” He smiled tiredly in her direction and she nodded, though with a bit of a worried face.

Felix closed the door behind them and took off his work gloves to hang them up, not even inviting them in for a party. So he _was_ serious. “This way, Ralph,” he whispered, guiding him by the small of his back towards the living room. Once they got there, Felix helped him lie down on the couch. When Ralph accidentally knocked his head against the arm, Felix gasped silently and placed a hand under his neck. “Easy, now. You okay?” Ralph nodded, though his vision was somewhat blurry. Felix exhaled. “Good.” He made sure Ralph’s head was settled before he let go, which, to Ralph, meant a blissful two minutes of Felix’s ungloved hand cradling his neck and even playing subconsciously with his hair a bit.

Once Ralph was settled, Felix seemed to remember something. He growled, digging his hands through his hair. “Jiminy jaminy, I’ve never been so angry before. I’m shaking like a leaf! I feel like I could just...just...!”

“Break something?” Ralph mused. Felix looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights before his shoulders slumped.

“I’m sorry, Ralph. It’s just that you’re such a sweet, unassuming guy and I don’t understand why all the Nicelanders won’t stop treating you like dirt.”

“That’s not entirely true,” he pointed out. “They were nice to me for a little while, after I stopped going Turbo.”

“For how long?” said Felix. And here, Ralph was forced to face the truth.

“Two weeks.”

Ralph noted with amazement the way Felix’s face shifted from calm to frustrated within a matter of seconds. Then, suddenly, red-hot furious, as he clenched his fists and cried, “I...don’t...GET IT!” He ran around the apartment, yelling at the top of his lungs and tearing his beautiful hair out. He picked up his magic hammer and started smashing Mary’s pie with it, comically oblivious to the fact that it only grew bigger in size.

Ralph laughed through his pain, watching the whole thing. Man, the _deja vu_ was real. Where was Vanellope when you needed her?

“Enjoying your temper tantrum there, Lixie?” Felix stopped suddenly, looking at him, and Ralph had a feeling he just crossed a line. “Oh, wait. Rats. I didn’t - ”

 _“Ralph,”_ Felix breathed, walking towards him, “What did you just call me?”

“I, uh,” the giant stuttered in fear, “I said ‘Lixie’. You know, like the end of your name, but with an ‘ie’ in it. ...It was just meant to be a joke, I didn’t mean to!” he blurted out, holding up his hands and squeezing his eyes shut. When he didn’t hear the sound of fury being unleashed, like he expected, he cautiously opened an eye.

With it, he saw Felix looking at him with a blank expression. This lasted only seconds before he reached out and held Ralph’s giant hand in his own small ones. He placed it on his chest - well, okay, front, considering how small he was. “That’s the sweetest nickname anybody’s ever given me.” His voice was so heavy, Ralph thought he might actually cry. He looked away, biting his lip. “Can - Can I call you ‘Ralphy’?”

Ralph’s face grew warm and he laughed. “Yeah, but only you. Anyone else who tries it gets thrown out the window.”

They both chuckled before it died away, and this time, the silence was not awkward. Ralph used it to study Felix’s eyes. He knew they were blue, but this up close? They were _gemstones,_ soft and light with a hint of gold reflected off of them like a beach on a summer day. They seemed to dilate along with his heart, which beat rapidly beneath Ralph’s fingers.

“You should shower,” Felix said, finally. “It’ll make you feel better. I’ll heat up some cocoa on the stove for you.”

 _I already feel better,_ Ralph thought in his head, smiling. Felix knew how to treat him just right.

The handyman helped him up and made sure he found the bathroom before leaving. His jaw dropped right away. Aw, man, was that a Euro-style shower, with glass doors? It looked like a whole ‘nother room! You could even sit down, if you wanted.

Ralph stepped in, twisted the knob, and surveyed his options. Man, this shower had _everything._ There was a strawberry shampoo that looked particularly appetizing. There were also a few of those little conditioner bottles and salt scrubs that looked like candy macaroons. Ralph smiled - that must have been Vanellope’s wedding gift to Felix.

Come to think of it, he hadn’t had a shower since the wedding. And even then, he had to make it quick, since he was late. But here? He had all the time in the world.

There was something about the warm water that made his body relax. For the first time ever, he became acutely aware of just how smelly he was. He wrinkled his nose and gagged, bile crawling up his throat. If he ever got as rich as Felix, he decided, he would buy a fancy shower too, maybe with a more Zen aesthetic, with a tiny Buddha statue and candles everywhere. He loved candles. Candles went on top of cake. _Mmm, cake._...Anyway! He’d get himself a fancy strawberry shampoo too, and fancy conditioner and salt scrubs and bar soap and facial cleanser and lotion and oil. And he would shower every day!

He smiled at his dream and doused himself with shampoo and water, feeling the mud and germs leaving in fear already.

By the time he was done - he needed three towels to get fully dry - he surveyed himself in the mirror. His hair looked a lot softer than normal. Shiny, too. He felt the sides of his freshly-shaved face. Yep - smooth as a baby’s butt. He threw on a fresh white shirt and flannel pants he kept in his back pocket just in case he ever had sleepovers in some of the other worlds with his friends.

Now to do something about his formidable breath. Ralph took out some mint-flavored mouthwash from the island drawer and swished it around in his mouth, rinsing repeatedly until it was clean.  _That ought to go well with the hot cocoa._

When Ralph stepped out, he saw that Felix had dimmed down the lights, which he was grateful for. He also saw him humming to himself and taking the kettle off the stove, wearing pajamas of his own. Blue satin - could he get any cuter?

“Ah, good! Just in time,” said Felix, upon seeing him. He poured some hot cocoa into two separate mugs and Ralph watched as the square steam clouds rose from it. He smiled. “You look better.”

“I am,” said Ralph. And truthfully, he did feel that way. Sure, his head still pounded on one side, but his cramps were considerably better. Plus, he didn’t feel like throwing up or fainting anymore. “By the way, there was only a small sliver of soap left in the shower, so I had to open a new one from the closet.” He scratched his head. “I hope that’s okay.”

Felix’s face brightened. “Oh, yeah, my new rosemary soap! I’ve been meaning to open that. Mind if I get a whiff?”

“Sure,” said Ralph.

He expected Felix to stand nearby and maybe put his nose to the air to get a small sample. What he _didn’t_ expect was for Felix to walk over and full-on embrace him, fingers gently grasping at his shirt fabric and the side of his face nuzzling into his stomach, breathing deeply.

“Mmm, who says you _don’t_ smell nice?”

“Er, pretty much everybody. Especially Vanellope.” He laughed.

“Well, you should wear this more often. It suits you.” Felix’s voice was soothing against his stomach. Its combination of warm breath and steady buzzing made him weak in the knees. Not to mention, it was a little ticklish. But he’d never tell Felix _that._ Otherwise, the handyman might just tickle him until dawn.

Finally, Felix let go, and _man,_ if Ralph didn’t miss him already. But then he took his giant hand in his small one and led him towards the kitchen.

Ralph sat hunched over the table, head just barely touching the ceiling.

"I just finished chatting with Q*bert on the phone. He'd like to give you his regards," said Felix.

Ralph smiled. "D'aww, well that's nice of him." 

“Cheers,” said Felix, holding out his hot cocoa mug.

“Cheers,” Ralph echoed, holding out his own. They clinked mugs and Felix held his up to his lips to drink from it. Ralph, on the other hand, was having a little trouble. It wasn’t that the mug was small, so much as his hand would not stop shaking. Drops of cocoa spilled out on either side, like a dog shaking off water. Felix noticed this and reached out, steadying Ralph’s hand with his own. It didn’t stop it entirely, since his hand _was_ rather small, but it steadied the mug somewhat. Felix looked up in inquiry and Ralph nodded, indicating he was ready. Felix leaned forward in his chair, nearly standing, so he could lift the mug to Ralph’s lips. He took a sip, closing his eyes.

Funny thing about hot cocoa - it was a form of chocolate, obviously, and though one might think Ralph was not a fan of chocolate, given his past preferences, he’d developed a bit of a taste for it when he fell in the chocolate lake after saving _Sugar Rush_ and indulged himself in some chocolate cake at Felix’s wedding. Just as long as it wasn’t too sweet, was his rule. He liked the bitter, dark kinds - they were more sophisticated on the tongue than, say, a too-sweet morsel that would be better off if it were advertised as a shovelful of sugar.

That being said - Felix’s hot cocoa was _perfect._ It got that blend of bitter and sweet just right, with a little bit of spice (was that cinnamon?), and of course, to top it all off, marshmallows. But not just _any_ marshmallows, oh, no. These had been microwaved, giving them that perfect golden-brown glow. If Ralph was already in paradise from that first taste, then this was _nothing_ compared to what he would feel once he finished it.

“Here’s something for your head, too.” Felix held out some aspirin. Ralph nodded. He took it from him and swallowed, using the cocoa to wash it down. Afterwards, he willed himself to reach across the table and hold Felix’s hand.

“Thank you.” He hoped it came out as heartfelt as he meant.

“Don’t mention it,” said Felix. Ralph couldn’t help but notice how red his face was. He decided to try something. He rubbed his thumb across the back of Felix’s hand. Sure enough, his face got redder. Ralph chuckled to himself. So he was _bashful,_ huh? Hmm, he wondered how red he could make him.

He lifted Felix’s hand and brought it towards himself, a mischievous grin on his face. Then, just before he could touch it to his lips, he looked up, making eye contact. Felix’s whole face and neck were red, he was so nervous. Enjoying this way more than he ought to, Ralph kept holding his hand near his lips, making sure to breathe gently on it. With his other hand, he began walking two fingers down Felix’s arm. Wow, his entire body was shivering, this was _great!_ He looked at the poor, tomato-colored man in front of him and decided he’d held him in suspense long enough. He was just about to lower his head when Felix chickened out.

“Okay! We’d better get you to bed early, to make sure you’re all rested up for the morning,” he said a little too loudly, clapping his hands together. “Alright, up we go.” He laughed, wrapping his arm around Ralph and guiding him towards the living room again.

Not gonna lie, Ralph’s feelings were a little hurt. Though, it was probably on him for teasing him like that. Anyway, he could have read it all wrong. There’s no way Felix would ever like him like that, right? Come on, he was a _bad guy._ Bad guys didn’t have happy endings – just sad, or a little below average.

He lie back down on the couch, now equipped with a pillow and blanket, and just tried to relax. Felix pulled up a chair and sat next to him, fluffing his pillow.

“Is that comfortable?”

“Yep,” said Ralph.

“Good.” Something in the kitchen caught the corner of Felix’s eye just then and he smiled, shaking his head. “Oh my Land,” he giggled, “what am I going to do with that pie? It’s the size of a table.”

Ralph shrugged. “I’ll eat it.”

“I’ll bet you’ve never seen food _that_ big before,” said Felix, smiling.

“Well,” Ralph scratched his head. “I have actually eaten a few giant cherries before. I got ‘em from Pac-Man’s place.”

Felix frowned. “I don’t remember you journeying there.”

“Yeah, no, that was before I left,” Ralph clarified. “I went for one of those Bad-Anon meetings, when I was depressed about - ah, you know.”

“Ralphy.” There was that heavy voice again. “I am so sorry.” Ralph furrowed his eyebrows.

“No, no! Hey, Felix, come on, it wasn’t your fault.” Even so, he heard him sniffling, pulling down his cap to hide his eyes. Each choking sob that escaped his throat tore Ralph’s heart in two. Desperate, he placed two gentle fingers beneath Felix’s jaw and rubbed his cheek with his thumb. _Please don’t push it away._ “Shhh, come here. Hey, come on, look at me. _Lixie.”_

His nickname for him worked like a charm, and he was both glad and heartbroken to see his friend’s face, as it was insanely beautiful, but so very, very sad. Ralph sighed, taking in the sight of his large blue eyes flooded with tears, his red nose and cheeks; this was all his fault.

“It was not you, okay? It was me. _My_ problem. It was just a phase I was going through when I wanted more out of life. Now I know I have everything I need - just you and Vanellope and Calhoun and Q*bert and yeah, even the Nicelanders.” He laughed. Then, shoulders slumping, “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you I had a headache. I didn’t want to bother you about it or make you sad. I hate seeing you sad, Lixie.” As if to emphasize how much it hurt him, he pouted his own lower lip and looked at Felix, batting his eyelashes. Felix laughed and hiccuped. He reached up with a shaking hand and placed it on top of the one Ralph was using to dry his tears.

“Ralph, you’re not a bother.” He adopted a mockingly-stern tone. “And don’t you ever think of yourself as a bother, mister. Because I like caring for you. I love it, actually. And you know what?” He stood up straight, in an act of bravery. “I love _you.”_

All the breath in the world left Ralph’s lungs at that, knocking the wind out of him. Now _there_ was something he didn’t expect in his _lifetime._

“A-As friends?” he stammered, just in case it was much too good to be true (which it was!).

Felix shook his head. “Oh, dear. I should just go. Good night, Ralph.”

“Wait.” Ralph reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back. Felix sighed sadly and leaned over, smoothing some of Ralph’s hair back from his face.

“What is it?”

Ralph parted his lips and looked up, speechless. Then he frowned in determination and placed both hands on either side of his face, removing his cap. He closed his eyes and leaned in. _“I love you too,”_ he breathed, before their lips met for the first time.

Right away, they relished the feeling of each other’s mouths, Felix’s thin one against Ralph’s plump one, tasting of mint, cinnamon, and cocoa (and some salt, from the crying). Ralph wrapped one hand around Felix’s back, which slowly crawled up to his hair. Felix responded by framing Ralph’s face in his hands, leaning over him so they could press their chests together.

Now, both of them were too busy to notice, but as they were kissing, golden electricity shot through their veins like a microchip circuit. This was because they were fulfilling what had been a long-forgotten part of the codes.

See, what most arcade programs did not know was that migraines are not always caused by under sleep, overwork, and poor eating habits - there is a special kind that characters get when they are not fulfilling their life’s purpose; not getting any affection from others. Ralph would be riddled with all kinds of headaches before he went on his journey. It was part of what made him so angry. In fact, one of the reasons he held Vanellope so near to his heart was that she eased some of the tensions in his head. One might think her annoying voice would increase it tenfold, but in fact, it was her saccharine core and unconditional name-calling that touched him. While thinking of her could calm his troubled mind on even the worst days, however, there was still the matter of _permanently_ fending it off that needed to be considered. And how would one go about doing that, one might ask? How to change the doomed fate of one code among a million others to a destiny far more satisfying? Easy - a simple kiss. Cliché, perhaps, but isn’t true love the answer to everything?

Not every character knew this. Without knowledge of their pain, some were driven to madness, even to the point of leaving their games, much like that race car driver had just under thirty years ago. Of course, it goes without saying that characters who have never experienced this problem are often the most unaware. Or are they?

Felix smiled against Ralph’s lips, wrapping his arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. Oh, yes - _he_ knew.

*** 

Sunlight flooded Ralph’s eyes. He groaned, sitting up, momentarily confused as to why his head and back weren’t killing him. Then he remembered- he’d slept on a soft velvet couch instead of a pile of bricks. Not to mention, he’d been taken good care of by the man he loved.

As if on cue, he heard Felix’s footsteps emerging from the kitchen.

“Ralphy? You feeling better?”

He nodded. “Yeah, actually. Why?”

Felix walked up to him slowly with a serious expression. Then, quickening his pace, “So I can do _this.”_ With that, he threw himself upon Ralph’s chest and wrapped his arms around his neck, peppering his face with hot, sloppy kisses. Ralph leaned back and sighed, allowing himself to be showered with love. _What a great way to wake up._

Felix pulled back, lifting his nose to the air for a minute, then smiled. _“Mmm,”_ he breathed, diving in one last time for a long, sensual kiss. “Blueberry.”

Ralph placed a hand on his back. “Yeah, I helped myself to some of your pie after you went to bed.”

Felix’s brow furrowed. “But weren’t you tired? It was so late.”

He shrugged, smiling. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh. Why not?” Felix patted his cheek, biting his lip in worry.

Ralph rested his arms behind his head so he could sit up. “I was too busy thinking about you.”

And just like that, Felix was laughing, face glowing red. Ralph cocked an eyebrow, grinning. “What? Is that so hard to believe? Huh, _Lixie?”_ He traced his pointer finger along Felix’s jawline, tickling him. Felix yelped, laughing harder and pressing his chin to his neck. He threw his hands up in the air in mock-exasperation.

“Oh, just come here, you big, _adorable_ cornball.” He leaned down and captured his lips in his, the both of them chuckling.

***

That day, Ralph went back to work. It was especially hard for the two main characters to act out their respective parts. Ralph threw less bricks than normal and might even have giggled once, and Felix dodged them all anyway, winking and blowing kisses at him. _So_ unprofessional.

And the best part? He got thrown off the building more than fifty times that day, and his head didn’t ache _once._ Guess all that blueberry pie for breakfast really _did_ pay off.

That evening, when all the characters were gathered on the roof top and getting ready to throw Ralph for the last time, Felix broke character and ran up to him, hopping into his arms for a hug. They melted into each other, quite ignorant of the surprised gasps and whispers. Whatever problem the Nicelanders had with Ralph didn't matter now that the person in his arms loved him back.

“You did wonderful today.”

“Aw, thank you, you too.” Ralph patted his back, laughing, then turned his head. “What do you say we freak Gene out?” he whispered in his ear. Felix purred at the deliciousness - no way he could refuse _this_ revenge. They leaned in, both heartily aware of the mayor’s face looking like an exaggerated anime character’s, big pink mouth and all.

One of the kids playing the game didn’t know what to make of the red pixelated hearts on the screen, never mind the fact that Felix’s lives kept going up by five.

“Mr. Litwak,” he said, “Are they supposed to be kissing?”

Mr. Litwak squinted at the screen to see what he was talking about, then brushed it off. “Eh, it’ll sort itself out in a day or two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep - I just rewatched the movie after five years and couldn’t not ship it (I tried so hard, too). XD
> 
> Also, I just noticed these two have the same voice actors as Cal Naughton Jr. and Glenn from Talladega Nights! I’M CRYINGGGG 8’D
> 
> I might add another part, which would be the same story in Felix’s point of view. What do you think, should I go for it?


	2. Chapter 2

There it was, restored for the seventy-sixth time that day: Niceland Apartments, in all its glory. Now with completely refurbished windows made of the finest glass, thank you very much, perfect for cracking open in the morning and getting a whiff of that flower-fresh air!

Wow. Forget fixing things, like his father; Felix should have gone into real estate!

He stood up straight, a smile on his face as he once again received a medal. Mary handed him a pie and Nell planted a sweet kiss on his cheek before the Nicelanders all rushed towards Ralph, shouting and picking him up. They heaved altogether before dumping him off the side of the building, nearly bumping his head on the edge in the process.

Felix looked away, pulling a face. My, but he did wish the Nicelanders were a little more careful with Ralph. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought they were getting, as Tammy would have said, to be "sloppy babies".

Felix smiled sadly at the thought of his former wife. When you loved someone and they loved you back but it wasn't in either program's code, never mind the fact they were from separate universes, it could make for some major complications. Felix knew her heart longed for Brad, and she, too, could see restlessness in his own. At least, that's how she put it when she asked for a divorce.

At the time, Felix didn't understand. How could his heart belong to someone else when he loved only Tammy? But it wasn't _all_ terrible; Ralph had been there for him.

The familiar sounds of Ralph yelling and plummeting into the mud pulled Felix away from his thoughts which, coincidentally, had become about him. 

"Just goes to show how much I've really fallen," he sighed out loud to himself.

"What's that?" said Mary, beside him.

"Oh! I said, 'What's up with this pollen?'," Felix thought up on the spot. "I mean, really, it's everywhere!"

"Oh, I know, dearie. I've had to shake out my carpet a few times already!"

The two of them chatted awhile about the weather, which was completely _ridiculous,_ they both agreed. Then Mary said she had some business to attend to - _probably baking,_ Felix mused - and he nodded, waving good bye. He was just about to look around on the rooftop for someone else to talk to when he bumped into a familiar orange creature. 

_“@^@%!% &&@*!^” (Evening, Felix!) _

He grinned widely. _“ &!$&@$@!#@$$” (Hi there, Q*bert!) _

_“^^!!*#@!!#@$@$!*!!%%@@%#%@ &$!@%#$@$$@%%@$$&!$$!%@$!!$#@@$” (Would you care to join me and my friends at Tapper’s for some root beer?) _

Felix's eyes widened. _“! &$!$@^&@$$!%@” (Oh, sure! What time?) _ 

_“ &!^$&@*&%@$$$!^” (How’s half past six?) _

_“%@@# &@*@@%” (Peachy keen!) _Felix made a gun with his hand and grinned, winking. Then, having remembered something, he glanced over the edge of the building, towards the mud puddle.

He turned back to Q*bert. “*!$$*@$%@@$*%@&$!@%#$@*%&!&&@^@%$$$!*!!%!**#@$!&&$$&@$@” _(Just let me ask my friend Ralph if he wants to join. I’ll be right there!)_

Q*bert nodded and waddled off. Felix, meanwhile, turned to the other Nicelanders. 

"Alright, everybody! It's quittin' time!" He smiled and held up his pie, walking down the stairs and the Nicelanders followed behind, cheering and talking of big plans that night for a neighborly gathering. Unlike other nights, however, Felix did not immediately go to his apartment to hang his medal on the wall. Instead, he kept walking down the flights of stairs, towards the lobby.

He ignored the curious glances of the Nicelanders and tried to pick up from where his last thoughts were.  _Now, where was I? Ah, yes, the divorce._

Ralph never tried to speak or offer advice. Instead, he only sat and listened in silence as Felix bounced his thoughts off of him. He would look at him with those warm, caring eyes and wordlessly offer him a piece of candy he'd gotten from  _Sugar Rush,_  never once badmouthing Tammy even when Felix had done plenty, himself - unintentionally, of course. Even on the days when Felix claimed he didn't want to see  _anybody,_  Ralph would come bumbling towards him, tripping on his own feet. He couldn't help but smile at that when he did. And every time before he left, Ralph picked him up and wrapped his protective arms around him in a hug. More and more, Felix started to crave these hugs. It became less about comfort and more about the rush he felt every time they did. He would go over them in his mind, remembering every detail, from the warmth of Ralph’s body to the sound of his breathing. He started to pick up on other things, like how endearing the gap between his front teeth was, how spellbinding his eyes were up close, how soft his face looked.

Then, suddenly, after six weeks had passed, Felix understood everything.

He walked out the door and spied Ralph sitting in the mud puddle still, placing a hand on his neck. Felix bit his lip in worry. _I hope he isn't too banged up._

Upon entering Ralph's field of vision, he willed himself to smile and wave. "Hiya, Ralph! Q*bert and I were just thinking about heading to Tapper's if you wanted to join - oh!" He was stopped short by the cross-eyed expression on his friend's face, which was also a ghostly pale. He leaned down. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, y'know, no worse than usual," Ralph joked, cracking his neck. Felix winced at the loud crunching sound, unable to help but think his friend was worse off than he claimed to be; unable to help but feel some resentment toward the Nicelanders for not being more careful.

"Right. Just," he scratched his head. "I see you getting thrown off every day and it looks really painful. Especially with the amount of times that's been happening lately, phew!" he realized, wiping the sweat off his forehead. All these long hours - if he thought fixing the building seventy-six times was hard, he couldn't _imagine_ what being thrown off was like. If anything, _Ralph_ should have been wearing the medal. "You know," he said, "You really  _are_  a hero."

He smiled as a humble blush spread across Ralph's cheeks while he looked down and grinned, almost shy. _He's so cute._

"Eh, well, who else is gonna wreck the building for all the players?" Ralph shrugged. "Anyway, I'm no hero without you. Well, I mean, I'm not really a hero, since I'm a bad guy, and all. Of course, now I think about it, I wouldn't even be  _that_  if you weren't here. Or really much of anything, ha ha..." _That._ That right there was what really made Felix fall for the guy. Just look at the way he tripped over his words, not even realizing how meaningful they were; how clever he was, for all he tried to downplay himself as the "average everyman". He tried so hard, and Felix couldn't help but admire him for that.

"Gosh, Ralph. You say the sweetest things."  _Oops, did I just say that out loud?_

"I-I do?" Ralph stammered. 

_Ah, well. No going back, now._

"It's true," Felix confessed. "I never realized how kind you were until you rescued me in the Fungeon, sacrificed yourself for Vanellope, and helped all those homeless characters. You were there for me while I was sad about my divorce with Calhoun, even though it simply wasn't in our codes to be married. And you know, even before all that, you've always treated the Nicelanders with respect, even when you had plenty of reason to...well, smash them all into the ground," he laughed, walking closer.

"Er, Felix?" Ralph raised an eyebrow. "Are you coming down with something? Your face is kinda red."

"No, Ralph," he laughed harder. "Actually, that's just the honey glow in my cheeks." He smiled at the familiar term, which he'd used only weeks ago, with Tammy. Funny how he thought he'd never experience it again when it had come back stronger than ever. The mud on the side of Ralph's face caught his attention and he frowned. "Speaking of which, you've got a little - " He trailed off, reaching out and gently brushing Ralph's cheek. He wished he'd taken off his glove before he did, so he could see if his face was as soft as it looked. Ralph shivered and looked up.

"Get away from me."

Felix jumped a little at the cold tone he'd adopted, though he didn't move away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"No, seriously, I - " But Ralph didn't finish his sentence, instead falling on his knees and puking. Felix nodded, understanding suddenly.  _So_ that's _why._ Then he immediately ran to his friend's side to comfort him, hand working along his spine to relieve his cramps. And goodness, were there plenty! He could feel Ralph trying to hold it in, clearly embarrassed, but that was not the way to get better, Felix knew.

"It's okay, I'm here for you. Just let it all out," he whispered. He wrapped his arms around him while he leaned forward and threw up again, keeping him from falling in the mud. He'd done plenty of that today, thank you very much. If it were up to Felix, he would make sure Ralph never had to land in mud again; he just didn't deserve it. He smoothed his hair back, both as a comforting gesture and to keep it from getting stained.

At last, Ralph stopped throwing up, but the poor man was shaking like a leaf! He didn't think he'd ever seen him so vulnerable.

"You alright, there, big guy?" he whispered, and Ralph nodded. Felix nodded towards the mess. "Let me clean that for you."

"Oh, Felix, you don't have to. I could get that - " Ralph began.

"Please. Allow me," he said, holding his hands up before kneeling down and cleaning it with a scrub brush, bucket of water, and nose clips in a matter of seconds. Once it was all gone, he stood and nodded in satisfaction. "There, now." From this distance, he could see the tired lines on Ralph's face, the bags under his eyes. "You haven't been getting much sleep, have you?"

“Have  _you?”_  Ralph retorted, trying to avoid the question.

“A full eight hours, every night,” Felix lectured. “It’s important to get your rest, you know!”

Ralph sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“And to eat?” said Felix.

Ralph shrugged. “I dunno. There’s not much in the fridge. Just some aged cheese and a packet of nuts, I guess.”

Felix was dumbfounded. Well, no wonder he was sick - everyone knows that a diet consisted only of _aged cheese,_ of all things, makes one that much more likely to get a migraine! He thought about scolding Ralph on the merits of sleep and nutrition but decided that would be no good. What he needed right now was some tough love. He put his hands on his hips. “Clearly, you’re more under the weather than I thought. As the leader of this game, I want you to rest until you’re better.”

Right on cue, Ralph protested. “Aw c’mon, it’s just a tiny headache! I’ll be fine tomorrow. Lemme go back to work, please?”

“Wreck-It Ralph! You will do no such thing,” Felix said, voice rising as if to prove his assertiveness. “You are pale as a white peach, sir! We have to lay you down immediately.” He tilted his head in the direction of his house.

Ralph gaped, finger pointing in that same direction. “What, you mean, like, in your apartment?”

Felix nodded. “Come with me.” He wrapped an arm around Ralph’s waist as high as he could reach and guided him toward the building, determined frown on his face. It fell slightly when he saw Ralph carding a hand through his hair, chin tucked to his chest, no doubt anxious about his condition. “Hey.” he tugged on his hand, getting his attention. “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’ll fix you right up in no time.” he winked, then looked away before he could see Ralph's reaction, though he could have sworn he felt his hand burning.

They walked along the sidewalk toward the door, where Ralph left muddy footprints and Felix cleaned them along the way. They went through the door and into the lobby before taking a rather slow elevator up to the top. During which, Felix found himself pressed against Ralph's chest from lack of space. Their faces grew warm.

Finally, they stepped out and saw the Nicelanders waiting to congratulate them both for a job well done.

"Hello, everyone," Felix greeted, pretending not to notice their shocked faces. Well, except Gene, who just folded his arms. Felix could feel Ralph trembling at the sight of the mayor, but then he took a deep breath and stopped suddenly. Felix, curious, was just about to inquire him on this when Mary's voice rang out.

“I baked you a pie, Felix."

"Well, thank you, Mary!" he grinned, taking it from her. Thank goodness, an _end_ to this God-forsaken silence. Maybe all everyone needed was just an ice-breaker to help them remember that Ralph was a guest.

He closed his eyes and took a whiff. “Gosh, it smells delicious.”

“Great job today, Felix,” said Don.

“Yes, great job,” said Lucy.

“Thank you. Thank you! Oh my land, you’re all too kind.”

Felix chatted with the Nicelanders, his hand around Ralph's waist the entire time. He did this every night, usually talking about the same old things over and over again, but he could never tire of it. Not when he was surrounded by such _nice_ people. Well, except for one person.

“What’s  _he_  doing here?” Gene’s voice cut through like a knife. Felix looked up and saw, to his horror, Ralph doubting himself. His gut boiled. Ralph should never have to feel shame!

"Ralph is sick, Gene. He needs a place to stay," Felix carefully enunciated each word. 

"Well, he's not staying anywhere near the pent house. His body odor will stink up the place for days." Gene smirked. "I'll bet it's all that bloated fat around his stomach that makes him so gassy. No wonder he hasn't got a girlfriend. What, does he snore, too?"

"That's enough," said Felix, puffing out his chest slightly. "You will treat him the same way you treat me. And if you don't - well, you can just say good bye to your  _job,_  you...you...!" His face burned as he tried to tell the mayor _exactly_ what he thought of him, but before he could get anything out, he felt a giant thumb rub across his shoulders, warm fingers ghosting his back. _Ralph._  Immediately, he relaxed into the touch, though his temper was still brewing. Gene folded his arms.

"You can't do that! I'm the mayor!"

Felix felt his face melt from a tight-lipped frown to a smile, but not the friendly kind, oh no. This was the kind of smile a snake gave its prey before striking. "Yes, but my father owns this apartment building. And I think we both know how rich he is." And indeed Gene did, for his face turned white and he turned away. Felix hadn't wanted to do this - he never thought he would use his father's wealth against anybody - but something about Ralph made his protective shields go up.

They remained, still, as he turned to the other Nicelanders. "Do you understand? This goes for all of you. Ralph is my friend, and I don't want a single one of you sniping at him. He'll be staying with me, tonight, and if you don't like it, then frankly, I don't give a boo - forgive my potty mouth," he added, remaining polite. His voice shook, what with being relatively new to this 'assertiveness' thing, but he meant it all the same. He decided to show just how much. "Come on, Ralph," he said loudly, hooking his arm around his wrist. "Let's go inside and get you settled."

He walked toward his apartment door with his best poker face, making sure every step he took was louder and farther than the last. He noted with stubborn satisfaction the way their faces fell. If acting like a drama queen was the only way to get his message across to the Nicelanders, the only way for them to take his words seriously, then so be it. 

Gene cupped his hands around his mouth.

“Hey, you big oaf! Enjoy this while you can, because it’s the closest you’re ever gonna get to living here - "

“Good  _night,”_  Felix hissed, cutting him off. “I will speak no more on the matter. ...Thank you for the pie, Mary.” He smiled tiredly in her direction and she nodded, though with a bit of a worried face.

Normally, Felix would invite them all inside for a party, but not tonight; there were more important matters at hand. He closed the door behind them and hung up his work gloves. “This way, Ralph,” he whispered, guiding him by the small of his back towards the living room. Once they got there, Felix helped him lie down on the couch. When Ralph accidentally knocked his head against the arm, Felix gasped silently - _Ooh, that looked painful!_ \- and placed a hand under his neck. “Easy, now. You okay?” Ralph nodded. Felix exhaled. “Good.” He made sure Ralph’s head was settled before he let go, cradling his neck and running his fingers through his hair to ease the pain.

Once Ralph was relaxed, Felix's thoughts circled back to Gene and the other Nicelanders' behavior. He growled and dug his hands through his hair, temper getting the best of him. “Jiminy jaminy, I’ve never been so angry before. I’m shaking like a leaf! I feel like I could just...just...!”

“Break something?” Ralph chuckled, snapping him out of his thoughts. Felix looked at the calm, steady face before him - _Really, how is he not angry?_ - and sighed. 

“I’m sorry, Ralph. It’s just that you’re such a sweet, unassuming guy and I don’t understand why all the Nicelanders won’t stop treating you like dirt.” _Or, you know, the same way they did seven or eight weeks ago._

“That’s not entirely true,” said Ralph. “They were nice to me for a little while, after I stopped going Turbo.”

Felix raised a dubious eyebrow. “For how long?” Finally, Ralph sighed.

“Two weeks.”

Felix had been wondering why Mary was baking less cakes, lately; why Ralph hadn't been showing up to the latest parties. Here, at last, lie his answer, but Felix, for the life of him, couldn't determine their motivation. What, did they think they could just slowly let the appreciation die away and go back to their old ways? Had it always been their intention? Why were they so one-sided, yet so frustrating to figure out?! 

“I...don’t...GET IT!” He ran around the apartment, yelling at the top of his lungs and tearing his hair out. From the corner of his eye, he saw his magic hammer lying on a table. He picked it up and smashed the nearest thing he could find with it, trying in vain to break whatever it was into tiny little pieces. He didn't know where he was or what he was doing; all he knew was that his vision was clouded in anger. He could have passed for Ralph on one of his bad days. _I'm gonna wreck it..._

“Enjoying your temper tantrum there, Lixie?” Ralph called from the living room, laughing. Felix's breath caught in his throat and he dropped his hammer, whipping his head in the other's direction. His eyes widened. “Oh, wait. Rats. I didn’t - ”

 _“Ralph,”_  Felix breathed, walking towards him, “What did you just call me?”

“I, uh,” the giant stuttered in fear, “I said ‘Lixie’. You know, like the end of your name, but with an ‘ie’ in it. ...It was just meant to be a joke, I didn’t mean to!” he blurted out, holding up his hands and squeezing his eyes shut. After awhile, he cautiously opened an eye.

Felix stood there, speechless, still trying to process what happened. _Lixie. He called me_ Lixie. Overcome, he reached out and held Ralph’s giant hand to his chest. “That’s the sweetest nickname anybody’s ever given me," he choked.  _He. Is. So. DARLING._ The heat rushed to his cheeks and he looked away, biting his lip. “Can - Can I call you ‘Ralphy’?”

Ralph laughed. “Yeah, but only you. Anyone else who tries it gets thrown out the window.”

They both chuckled before it slowly died away. Ralph looked into his eyes as though he were searching for something, and Felix looked into his own, just as fascinated. He wondered if Ralph could feel his heart beat beneath his fingers; if he knew it was for _him._

“You should shower,” he said, finally. “It’ll make you feel better. I’ll heat up some cocoa on the stove for you.”

Ralph smiled at that, and he very nearly melted.

Felix helped him up and made sure he found the bathroom before smiling and closing the door. He changed into his pajamas and stopped by again, hearing the water running and Ralph humming some sort of tune. His chest rose up and down, heart threatening to explode from it. _Golly gee, I have to get myself under control._

The phone rang in the kitchen and he hopped over to answer.

 _“ &@@@$@@!!$$!**!%&!$$!%!&&$” (Hey, are you still on for tonight?) _Q*bert's voice rang through.Oh dear, he forgot!

_“$!$$@!#@$$!%@ &$@!#!#@%$%@*@!$” (Sorry, Q*bert. I’m afraid I can’t make it.)_

_“$$!!#*@^!$ &#!#*$” (Trouble with ducks?)_

Felix sighed.  _“%!$@*% &&!$$!#*$!!%$$@@!%&^!$&&!%” (No, Ralph got sick, so I’m staying with him.)_

Q*bert gave a sympathetic chirp. _“]!%$!$$@$! &@@$$&@$%*@@$@&!^@&!%%@$@&@$#$” (I’m sorry to hear that. Please give him my regards.)_

Felix grinned. _“^!**#!” (Will do!)_

They chatted for a little while about the root beer at Tapper's, which was _fantastic,_ they both agreed. Then Q*bert said he had to get back to his friends and the two said good bye, promising to meet up again for real next time. Now, Felix was truly left alone with his thoughts. 

He remembered learning a while back about how Turbo had managed to alter his identity to become King Candy using the Konami code. All Felix's life, he had been curious as to how he arrived; what invisible force kept their games running and determined each character's destiny. Maybe it was in the Nicelanders' _codes_ to hold a grudge against Ralph. Perhaps, he realized sadly, they were always meant to hate him, simply because he was the villain and they were the villagers. But then - how was _Felix_ any different? He'd treated Ralph just as terribly as the others did. Sure, he never said anything cruel to the guy, but he had been reluctant to allow him into the pent house all those weeks ago when all he wanted was a _slice of cake,_ for Land's sake! His breath caught in his throat. Maybe he wasn't supposed to like him either?

Felix squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. _No._  He didn't want to hate Ralph; it couldn't be true. How could he? His creators had programmed him to be a nice guy who got along with everybody. But did that still mean there was a chance?

He dimmed the lights and put the kettle on the stove. _That,_ he realized, must be why Ralph had a migraine; why his temper flared up so quickly; why, in the past, he would throw bricks at Felix and rub his head when he thought nobody was looking. The only way to cure him, then, according to Dr. Mario's guide on the rare Affectional Migraine, would be with a kiss. Felix couldn't help but selfishly hope that was the reason Ralph's head hurt, even when he was supposed to hate him. He didn't know anymore.

He heard footsteps walking toward the kitchen. The kettle whistled and he took it off, pretending to be happily humming to himself instead of on the verge of tears. He turned to face Ralph, smile pasted on his face.

"Ah, good! Just in time," he said, pretending to have just seen him as he poured the hot cocoa. "You look better," he added.

"I am," Ralph said, smiling. Felix returned it, though it was half-hearted. How much longer could he go on pretending to like him? When would his codes reveal their true nature, making him push him away? And if so, if he truly hated him, then why did Ralph look so _good?_ The stubble on his face had been shaved clean, skin flushed from the warm water which lie in droplets all over his cheeks. His hair was shinier and smoother than usual, too, instead of dry and crusty. Was it natural to want to run his hands through it, rather than tear it off his head? To want to touch his face rather than punch it? And jiminy jaminy, what was that _wonderful smell?_

“By the way, there was only a small sliver of soap left in the shower, so I had to open a new one from the closet.” Ralph scratched his head. “I hope that’s okay.”

Felix’s face brightened. “Oh, yeah, my new rosemary soap! I’ve been meaning to open that. Mind if I get a whiff?”

“Sure,” said Ralph.

Drawn to the scent and attractiveness of the man before him at last, Felix let go of his inhibitions and threaded his fingers through Ralph's soft white shirt fabric, burying the side of his face in his stomach and inhaling deeply. Thirty years of his life he'd spent shunning this man from existence. He didn't care what the codes said; he didn't want that anymore.

_I don't want to hate you._

“Mmm, who says you  _don’t_  smell nice?”

“Er, pretty much everybody. Especially Vanellope.” Ralph laughed.

“Well, you should wear this more often. It suits you.” And it did, Felix realized. Rosemary was a funny plant; it had the ability to improve one's memories. Many used it to remember the dead. In Felix's case, it helped him remember how much he did _not_ hate Ralph. Ralph made him remember lots of things, too. Back in the Fungeon, when he freaked out about being treated like a criminal, it was Ralph who snapped him out of his state, making him remember how the other had been treated over the years, compared to him. Even this afternoon, when he'd been having his tantrums, Ralph had patiently brought him back to reality with his jokes and good nature. Never in Felix's life had he met anyone more down to earth.

After pouring as much passion as he could into that hug, he let go and took Ralph's hand, leading him into the kitchen. They sat across from each other at the table, Ralph's head nearly scraping the ceiling.

"I just finished chatting with Q*bert on the phone. He'd like to give you his regards," said Felix.

Ralph smiled. "D'aww, well that's nice of him." 

“Cheers,” said Felix, holding out his hot cocoa mug.

“Cheers,” Ralph echoed, holding out his own. They clinked mugs and Felix held his up to his lips. Ralph, on the other hand, was having a little trouble. It wasn’t that the mug was small, so much as his hand would not stop shaking. Drops of cocoa spilled out on either side, like a dog shaking off water. Felix noticed this and reached out, steadying Ralph’s hand with his own. The shaking lessened a little. Felix looked up in inquiry and Ralph nodded. Felix leaned forward in his chair, nearly standing, so he could lift the mug to Ralph’s lips. Ralph took a sip, closing his eyes, and Felix noted with satisfaction the content noise in his throat with a small smile to accompany it.

“Here’s something for your head, too.” Felix held out some aspirin. Ralph nodded. He took it from him and swallowed, using the cocoa to wash it down. Felix nearly jumped after when Ralph placed his hand on top of his.

“Thank you.” His eyes were brown and honest; a knee-weakening combination.

“Don’t mention it,” Felix barely managed. _There's that honey glow, again._ He could feel Ralph rubbing his thumb across the back of his hand. Oh my Land, was it hot in here? And as if that weren't enough, Ralph was now lifting his hand and bringing it near his lips, flashing him a knowing smile,  _deliberately teasing him._  He shuddered as two large fingers walked down his arm, hot breath blowing across the back of his hand which was so close to those lips. Did this man have any idea what he was _doing_ to him? When he saw Ralph lowering his head to _kiss his hand,_ he nearly blew a fuse. At that point, he had to withdraw, or he was sure he'd go crazy.

“Okay! We’d better get you to bed early, to make sure you’re all rested up for the morning,” he said, clapping his hands together. “Alright, up we go.” He laughed, wrapping his arm around Ralph and guiding him towards the living room. He hoped he didn't sound as hysterical as he felt.

Still, he wondered what Ralph could have been thinking at that moment. Was he flirting with him? There was no other way he could have read it, but then, Ralph did always have a tendency to pull practical jokes. 

Ralph lie down on the couch and Felix pulled up a chair and sat next to him, fluffing his pillow.

“Is that comfortable?”

“Yep,” said Ralph.

“Good.” Something in the kitchen caught the corner of Felix’s eye just then and he smiled, shaking his head. “Oh my Land,” he giggled, “what am I going to do with that pie? It’s the size of a table.”

Ralph shrugged. “I’ll eat it.”

“I’ll bet you’ve never seen food  _that_  big before,” said Felix, smiling.

“Well,” Ralph scratched his head. “I have actually eaten a few giant cherries before. I got ‘em from Pac-Man’s place.”

Felix frowned. “I don’t remember you journeying there.”

“Yeah, no, that was before I left,” Ralph clarified. “I went for one of those Bad-Anon meetings, when I was depressed about - ah, you know.”

Felix's eyes widened. He thought about Ralph going home every night, head pounding harder with each thought of hatred directed towards him, then wrapping himself in those bricks, which he  _said_  were comfortable, but Felix knew they weren't. Why, when he'd massaged his spine earlier that afternoon, there were knots that could rival a sailor's! The guilt that had been slowly eating at his insides over the weeks as Ralph was nothing but good to him had now swallowed him alive. All these years, he'd had no idea how Ralph felt, almost daring to hate him, and now, here he was, trusting him enough to lay his wounds before him and unaware he had contributed. Felix was broken at last, and nothing could fix it.

“Ralphy.” His voice choked. “I am so sorry.”

Ralph waved his hands.

“No, no! Hey, Felix, come on, it wasn’t your fault-" But Felix could hardly hear him, for the sound of his own sobs drowned him out. He pulled down his cap, ashamed to look his personal hero in the eye. If Ralph hated him now, as he surely must, he had no one to blame but himself. After all, it was in their codes to hate each other.

Soon, he felt two fingers resting beneath his jawline, a thumb rubbing his cheek, _comforting_ him. He felt even worse, if that was possible. “Shhh, come here," Ralph's gentle voice coaxed. "Hey, come on, look at me.  _Lixie.”_

At the sound of his nickname, he looked up, though he wished he hadn't. All everybody knew was the happy-go-lucky Felix; the sad Felix should be hidden at all times. Still, the way Ralph's brows furrowed, the way he bit his lip in worry, warmed his heart.

“It was not you, okay? It was me.  _My_  problem." Ralph pointed at himself. "It was just a phase I was going through when I wanted more out of life. Now I know I have everything I need - just you and Vanellope and Calhoun and Q*bert and yeah, even the Nicelanders.” He laughed, likely expecting Felix to join in. When he didn't, he sighed. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you I had a headache. I didn’t want to bother you about it or make you sad. I hate seeing you sad, Lixie.” Ralph pouted his lower lip and looked at Felix with those big puppy dog eyes, batting his eyelashes. Felix laughed and hiccuped. He reached up with a shaking hand and placed it on top of the one Ralph was using to dry his tears.

“Ralph, you’re not a bother.” He adopted a mockingly-stern tone. “And don’t you ever think of yourself as a bother, mister. Because I like caring for you. I love it, actually. And you know what?” He stood up straight. “I love  _you.”_ There, he said it. And oddly enough, he felt better for it.

Ralph, meanwhile, had frozen, parting his lips. There was a long silence that followed before he stammered -

“A-As friends?” 

Felix felt the tears rising all over again. Only someone like him could fall in love with two people within the course of eight weeks and end up losing both. 

He shook his head. “Oh, dear. I should just go. Good night, Ralph.”

“Wait.” Ralph reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back, likely because he felt bad for rebuffing his unrequited affections and wanted to apologize. He was a nice guy, after all. Felix sighed sadly and leaned over, smoothing some of Ralph’s hair back from his face, knowing this was the only chance he'd get to before he was officially rejected.

“What is it?”

He braced himself for what he knew was coming and silently gasped at what he didn’t, all at once. For Ralph had placed his tender hands on both sides of his face and removed his cap. He watched in awe as Ralph fixed his eyes upon his lips, then closed them and brought their faces together.  _“I love you too,”_  he breathed, just before their lips met for the first time.

Right away, Felix relished the feeling of Ralph's mouth against his, tasting of cinnamon, cocoa, and _was that mint?_  He marveled at how Ralph's hand carefully wrapped itself around his back and crawled its way up to his hair, almost like he was afraid it might break him. Felix wanted him to know he could handle it; he wanted to prove they belonged together. He framed Ralph’s face in his hands, falling onto him so they could press their chests together. Ralph grunted in surprise, though there was no doubt in Felix's mind he'd liked it.

He opened one eye and saw the color had returned to Ralph's face, the tired lines almost invisible. He smiled against Ralph’s lips, wrapping his arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. _That should keep those migraines away._

Two hours of kissing and embracing one another passed until the clock read midnight. The two of them watched each other, lazy and sleepy-eyed. Felix traced his finger on Ralph's chest in concentration.

"Ralphy? Why do you love me?" 

He scoffed. "Come on, you're Fix-It Felix Jr.  _Everyone_  loves you."

"That's not a good enough answer," Felix pouted. 

"Well, how 'bout this, then," Ralph proposed, kissing it off. "It's because I feel loved by you. And I know that in here," he said, pointing to Felix's heart, "is a man who feels the same way. And that's good enough for me."

There he was, again; saying it all with so few words. Felix picked up Ralph's hands, which hung limply over the side of the couch.

"Do you see this? Do ya?" he whispered, guiding them to his face. "You put these here, Ralphy. You put the honey glow in my cheeks."

"Mine too," Ralph chuckled, before yawning.

"We should get some sleep," said Felix. "We've got another big day tomorrow."

Ralph nodded. "G'night, Lixie." He planted a sweet kiss on Felix's cheek before leaning back and closing his eyes.

Felix smiled, tussling his hair. "Good night, big guy." Then he kissed him and yawned, making his way towards his own room.

Ralph, of course, deserved to know the truth about his headache. And he would tell him someday, he resolved. But right now, after the emotional roller-coaster he'd been through, not to mention the satisfying end, Fix-It Felix Jr. was _exhausted._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, why, WHY am I so in love with the idea of Felix being a ball of angst?
> 
> I watched the movie again yesterday for the third time this year with my friend and I'm not sorry. XD


End file.
